he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
