Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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