sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
