You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
