I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
