I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
