I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
whose parrot is this?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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