I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I understand Curling. That high.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
