btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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