just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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