it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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