New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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