he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
