My room smells like vodka and shame
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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