so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
