Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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