You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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