I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
