I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
