corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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