I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
