i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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