so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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