I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He better not be in your backpack
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
