i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Success! We fucked roommates!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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