yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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