dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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