it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
