thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
