Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize