No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
