East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Michael Bay diarrhea
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
