I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Randomize
