"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
