Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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