He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
