I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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