shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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