My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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