plz talk dirty to me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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