He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
