I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
