i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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