Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
