Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
