Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
