so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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