Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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