He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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