Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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