WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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