this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
