so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
