Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
