i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Green mimosas i think yes
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
