how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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