And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
