she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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