I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
