Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
