what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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