chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
