Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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