yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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