screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
