Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
