and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
