I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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