Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
